Thursday, March 22, 2012

the truth of me

say the truth from deep of your heart!!

TADAAAA! Do you dare yourself to take this challenge? Well, I am daring myself to take this challenge. Let's see..

Something that scares me? Besides Allah SWT, I have this insecurity problem that I feel everyone is just fake around me. So called friends? Well sometimes I feel I don't have them. I feel like I am alone. That is what I am most afraid of. I am afraid that I find a way to hurt the people around me. I am afraid that I push the people that love me away. I don't know whether it is only me or there are other people in the world that feel the same way too. I don't know who I should trust anymore. I don't know whether the friends I have now are for the long run or just for a certain period. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares. I try to push those feelings away but I fail to do so.

Sometimes, I feel that I might actually die young. Nowadays, if people don't like a person, they'll do anything to hurt that other person. Words are no longer used. People hurt others physically and I am afraid that I might actually be next victim. Life is scary. Can I just sleep till this world becomes less scary?

Sometimes I am so afraid that people will leave. People no longer could stand me and they just leave. Or maybe without intention, they just go. I cannot imagine myself without the people that matter the most to me.

I make too many mistakes in life. They're just uncountable. I make people hate me. They either show it clearly or do it behind my back. I guess I am just that bad of a person. I don't know what to do to make it better. Is there another way to undo everything? Or do I have to live like this the rest of life? Hated. Period.

People don't see it, or maybe they do. I am actually afraid by a lot of things. I may look tough on the outside. But I am just as fragile as anything would be. I am a person that lives by 'WHAT IF..'. It honestly sucks.

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